Carpe Diem
by Superman Skank
Summary: A sort of follow on from Goodbye My Lover. Jasper meets somebody who makes him feel warm again, somebody who makes him realize what it is to live, but will his guilt allow him to love her?
1. Prolouge

**Jasper POV**

They threw a party for me and for an hour or so we pretended to be happy, choosing to forget the means for this celebration. When it was over I went outside to sit in the garden alone, but just minutes after I left I heard footsteps quietly walking towards me. I sensed by the gentle presence surrounding me that it was Esme.

"Do you mind if I join you?" She asked me.

"Not at all," I said. There was a rustle as Esme landed gracefully by my side on the creaky wooden bench. I knew before what she was going to say to me before she even spoke.

"Don't go Jasper," She whispered, "Please don't go."

"I'm sorry Esme, I just can't stay here right now. I'll be back, I promise," I assured her patiently. This wasn't the first time we had had this conversation.

"I know its difficult right now," Esme began. I tried to speak but she put her hands out, "Just hear me out, Jasper. I know its difficult, but it'll get better. The grief is still raw... for all of us. But right now leaving your family isn't the best of ideas. You need us. And we need you." The pleading tone in her voice was heartbreaking.

Life was so much easier when people didn't care about you so much.

"Esme this is something I have to do. You might not understand, but please let me go. I promise it won't be forever. I'll come back," I said. I couldn't look her in the eye, the hurt I saw there whenever I did was too much to bear.

"But when, Jasper? And for how long?" Esme cried, "I consider you to be my son, you know that, and I can't loose you."

There was a long silence after that. I didn't know what to say to Esme. I had made my decision, how could I make that more obvious? My bags were packed upstairs and I had booked the plane tickets days ago. Esme had had time to prepare herself for this moment. Suddenly I hear her sigh through the darkness.

"You know what, Jasper? Maybe I'm being selfish here. I don't mean to make you feel guilty, I'm just sad that you're leaving us. But if you really want to go, then go. Don't let me stop you," Esme said gently, quietly.

"Thank you," I whispered, grasping Esme's hand and squeezing it. I didn't usually make such physical contact, so, making the most of my tender mood, Esme gingerly reached out and wrapped her arms tightly around me, enveloping me in love and warmth.

"Be safe, Jasper. Please just be safe," Esme muttered in my ear.

We both got up and Esme took hold of my hand as we walked together back in to the house. Edward and Rosalie were clearing up the decorations in the living room, and when they saw our approach they looked at Esme hopefully.

"I've come to say goodbye," I announced. I felt their moods droop in disappointment.

Rosalie simply dropped the broom she was holding and stomped up the stairs in an angry flash. Edward sighed but walked towards me.

"Look after yourself," He said, winding an arm around my shoulders and clenching tightly. I patted his back. Behind Edward appeared Carlisle and Emmett. Carlisle smiled at me.

"I believe in your decision, Jasper. I know this will be a good thing for you," He said. Carlisle had supported my decision to leave the clan for a while ever since I first mentioned it, but hearing his final blessing before I left was important to me.

"Good luck out there, bro," Emmett said, punching my shoulder lightly, "You better not get too cosy with another clan while you're gone."

"Don't worry, I'll always be a Cullen," I said with a grin.

"There's always a place for you here, darling. Don't forget that," Esme said firmly. She had to step on to her tip toes to kiss my cheek.

I stood back and drank them all in. Carlisle, with his sharp, wise golden eyes and pale blond hair. Esme with her kind eyes and honey coloured mane. Emmett, impossibly strong and stocky. Edward, tall and muscular, with his tousled bronze hair. My family. I swallowed hard.

I had to leave then before the moment became too much for us all. Emmett helped me with my bags to the car. He had offered to drive me to the airport but I said that I preferred to go alone. I could just abandon the car in the airport car park, I didn't really want it anymore. After my bags were all stored carefully in the boot of the car I slipped in to the drivers seat and revved up the engine.

I made the effort to try and flood them all with contentment before I left. My family waved at me sadly from the front door, but the last thing I saw before I drove away was Rosalie stood at the window, an unfathomable expression on her beautiful face.

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**Reviews are very much appreciated :)**


	2. Where Is My Mind?

**AN: So sorry to keep you waiting! My laptop charger completely died on me and it took about four weeks to fix, so I haven't been able to update at all on here. Thanks for all of the response and I hope this next chapter doesn't disappoint you. And I'd also like to point out that I myself have only been to London once in my life time, so if my details about the city are a bit sketchy bear with me! **

**Jasper POV**

**Chapter theme song: Where Is My Mind by The Pixies**

I had never been to England before, so when I stepped out of the Heathrow airport I had no idea what to expect. All I had brought with me was the heavy rucksack on my back - which contained clothes, photographs, a few books and a large wad of money - and an expectancy for some release. A line of shiny black cabs lay in wait on the sidewalk - or, should I say, pavement - their engines purring and emitting thick trails of smoke in to the air. I made my way towards one, rummaging in my rucksack to find my wallet. The driver of the cab was middle aged, with receding sandy blond hair and the belly of a man who liked a beer.

I opened up the door of the cab and slid in to the back seat. "Euston station, please," I said as I planted my belonging's beside me and drew the seat belt across my chest. It would have been easier to go directly to my new home address, but I wanted to walk from the station and drink the city. The driver simply grunted in response and the cab began its way down the busy road. I could feel his slightly content boredom.

I had no use for a home really, I didn't need to sleep or eat or even shower, but I decided that if I was going to try and fall in to the backdrop here then finding a home and attempting to live like a human being was my safest bet. I had searched on the Internet and eventually found a decent looking man who was looking for a room mate. He owned an apartment in Euston, which again I decided was a safe bet because it was quite far away from the bustling city centre. And besides, even if he turned out to not be so totally legite I could protect myself.

The journey took about half an hour. When we got to the station I suddenly nervous, an emotion that I rarely ever felt from myself. I stood outside of the station wondering what to do next. It was one o'clock, a reasonable time to phone my new room mate. I took my small silver cell phone from my pocket and dialled the number he had given me. I had only spoken to him over the phone a few times before, all I really knew about him was that his name was Eddie Bates. He took a while to answer.

"Hello?" A mumbled Cockney accent greeted me.

"Eddie its Jasper, your new room mate?" I said.

"Jasper... Jasper... Jasper! The American guy, right," Eddie came to life a little, "How are you?"

"I'm well. I was just wondering if it would be okay for me to come to the apartment now?" I asked.

"The flat?" There was a pause, "The thing is Jasper, I'm feeling a little rough right now. Hungover, you know? This place, and me, really needs a good clean up. You don't mind waiting until, say, three o'clock, do you? You can come now if you like but I wouldn't if I were you."

"Sure, thats fine. I can wait," I replied.

"Great! See you later then," Eddie said, then, before I could end the call, he suddenly added, "Oh, and Jasper, you wouldn't mind picking up a pint of milk on your way, would you? Semi-skinned, thanks."

line break

After a few moments of walking around the streets searching for something to do, I came upon a small, relatively quiet looking cafe. I spotted an empty table paired with only one chair in the corner, with a handy looking plant pot by its side where I could gradually dispose of my coffee. Perfect. A bell tinkled over head as I walked inside, and a few heads sprung up to look at me. I was welcomed by the usual longing stares that came inveitably when you were a vampie, and continued on the the table in the corner with my head down.

I stored my back pack under the table, in between my knees, and began to look properly at my surroundings. It was then that my eyes fell upon the waitress walking towards me. She had a willowly figure, a small, delicate looking body with limbs that looked as though they would snap if you so much as twisted her arm. Her skin was pale, smooth and fresh looking, perfeclty clear. Her hair light blonde hair was piled messily on top of her head and a few curly tendrils had escaped, framing her heart shaped face. It was her eyes that caught me though. They were large and slightly almoned shaped, the palest, most loveliest blue I had ever seen. They seemed to stare right through anything their gaze grasped, and although they were icy they were also warm. This girl, this angel, was so shockingly beautiful that I wouldn't have been surprised if she turned out to be a vampire.

With soft, fluid movements she made it to my table. She smiled, her teeth sparkling white and perfectly straight. Between her two front teeth was a thin but definate gap. It was her smile that melted me. "May I take your order?" She asked in a gentle French accent. I could have died.

"Coffee, please," I spluttered.

Completely unaware of the effect she had enchanted me with, she simply nodded and turned away, her body weaving expertly between the cluster of tables.

**Reviews are appreciated more than you know :) I'm aware that there are some spelling errors in this chapter, and although I did spell check them whenever I tried to change the words they didn't change when I saved. In the end I just gave up, but there aren't too many and they shouldn't be that hard to read. Hopefully the spell checker will be working properly in the next chapter! **


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